Hug Them Close

Last night a friend from a message board posted that her husband had passed away. It came as such a shock. After all they are young, with young children at home. It reminded me how we were never given the option to purchase a warranty on life. No one ever said we would get to grow old together. After sitting all night wishing there was more I could do, I started thinking that I should go hug my loved ones and never let go.
There are days that we are so done with dealing with each other, but yet I would give anything to have those days. At least we have the chance to get upset with each other. How many others are out there saying they would give anything to have a fight with the one they loved if it meant that they would have them one more day.
So today, take time to hug that rotten child that spilled food on the floor, kiss your spouse, even though he/she may have forgotten to pick up their dirty clothes, or something else that gets under your skin, and be grateful you can clean up after them.

Six Flags

A friend of mine talked me into a Six Flags season pass. I thought sure why not I can go three times this year, if I try hard. LOL, I've had the pass 1 week, 2 days, and I'm headed back for my second visit tomorrow. It's only about an hour from my house, and the drive is very fast when you have good friends to talk with.
I'm not sure if I am going to ride the new Tony Hawk's Big Spin. I don't really care that much for spinning around, but hey- you gotta try it once right? I'm slightly feeling sick just thinking about it! I swear I feel sea sick right now, why do I do this to myself? I am sick standing in line- and then I am so scared during the rides, and after I feel all woozy (is that a word?). But I love the thrill.
Maybe I'll take the camera and get some pictures tomorrow. Or not- no one should have to see me like that!

LOVE ME SOME TEXAS STORMS!

Yes I do know that I said that in all caps! I do love a good storm. The clouds get all dark and then the thunder starts to roll. Then the lightning strikes and the rain comes pooring down.



The only thing I don't care for is when the tornado sirens go off. I'm sure that I will get used to it at some point, but it gets my heart pumping, and when I'm at home alone with the kids, I hate it. I need my husband to be here to tell me that nothing bad is going to happen. He is my rock, my firm fondation. But then again, its hard to convince him that when the weather guys say that our county needs to take cover, he means it.



We are one of the few in our neighborhood that has a tornado shelter, unfortunatly it is full of water, and the occational snake. (I HATE SNAKES!) Said with more force than the opening title. So we don't go in the shelter, I would love to, and if we weren't renters I would do something about it. If we are living in this house next year, I think I will do something about it, and give the bill to the landlord. He's a great guy and I think he will gladly pay for the work to be done.



Why I'm I thinking about good ol Texas storms? Well I just came in from picking up toys as I could hear thunder off in the distance.



Come on storm! And make it good!

Spring Cleaning

The words I can remember dreading my whole childhood are coming back to haunt me. It's SPRING CLEANING TIME! When as a child we heard these words I knew it was not going to go well. All those little things that we think we need, and had hid under beds or in closets were found. She moved everything and left nothing unturned. I know that the garbage had to be the biggest pile ever that week. Once we started school, Mom would wait until we were gone and she would attack. By the time we got off the bus we had no clue what was waiting for us. About half way to the house you could smell the pinesol, and you knew. Your heart started to beat faster as you worried about what toys no longer existed. What clothing had she decided didn't matter to you anymore. It was an attack that we had no warning was coming.

Now as a mom myself, I find that this time of year find the need to purge. What can we live without, do you really need that? I can get rid of things from every room of the house, until I get to my books. I LOVE my books. I need them, I'm sure that I do..... Hey no one asked you!!

Okay so I need to not keep so many. If I had a library and all the room in the world, then this would not be a problem. So why has it taken me weeks to realize that they have to go. Today is the day I tell myself. And then a few days later, they still sit in the pile that I started. I can't let go! What if I need them for a class, then I'll kick myself when I have to buy it again. OR, I could just go to the library in town and check it out.

So this is my need to do list today.

1.) Go through and get rid of books.
2.) Try again.
3.) Not good enough, one more time.
4.) Cry in secret, then get over it.
5.) Breath deep, take the books out of the house before you change your mind.
6.) Eat ice cream and remind yourself that you now have room for new books.
7.) Shoping therapy.

Can I start at the end?!

I've been tagged.

My sister-in-law Kascia tagged me so here is some info about my husband and I.

• What is his name? Darren

• How long have you been together? We were married Feb 13, 1999. So we have been together for just over 9 years now.

• How old is he? He is 32, until June.

• Who eats more? I don't know- we both love food!

• Who said I love you first? I think it was me! We were talking on the phone and were getting ready to hang up and I think what I said was "I love you, night!" And then he hung up. He called back in a few mins and said it back to me- I shocked us both, I sure hadn't planned on saying it!

• Who is taller? He is.

• Who can sing better? He would say I do, but he can sing if he tries.

• Who does the laundry? We both do.

• Who pays the bills? I do, but with the paycheck that he brings home.

• Who sleeps on the right side? He does right now, but I just insist on sleeping farthest from the door.

• Who mows the lawn? We both do, and also the guy from next door comes and helps- we have a lot of lawn......

• Who cooks dinner? Mostly me- but he does it at times.

• Who drives? Both of us.

• Who is more stubborn?? I think it is me... yeah, me.

• Who has more friends? Wow- I would have to think really hard, but he says I do.

• Who is more sensitive? I think that he is, but he thinks that I am.

• Who has more siblings?He does. He has 4 brothers. I just have one of each.

• Where did you and your husband meet? We met twice, the first time it was at my apartment in Rexburg, ID. His friend Tyrin brought him over in hopes to get us together. Neither of us was interested. That was Oct of 1998. In May just a week after my brother got married, Tyrin tried once more and invited me and tons of our friends to a BBQ at the sand dunes. He said he also would bring his horse so I could ride. We got there and he tells us that Echo- his horse, was acting up and so we would have to ride with his friend Darren. Meeting #2 was under way. I was one of the last to go, having to be convinced to go. We took off over the dunes and I decided to brake the quiet and ask him some things. we talked about the first time we had met, and then other things. He was doing everything he could to see if I would fall off, because he only dated you if you stayed on. Well I was not about to fall, so we were gone a LONG time. Everyone else was out a few mins, but we were gone 20 mins or so.

• What was the first thing you said to each other?"Hi" And then nothing more until the next meeting!

• What was your first date? Our first date was the day after the dunes party. Early that morning Tyrin's wife Suzane called to see if I was open that night to go out, and that Darren had called them to get my number- so he wanted to double with them. So I waited a few hours until he called to ask me out. We went to a rodeo at Madison High School- and then back to my place for pizza and a movie.

• Where was our first kiss? Two weeks after out first date on the corner walking home I saw a car with only one headlight and called it out. He asked what that meant- so I told him that he owed me a kiss for each one I saw. So he kissed me, and then we joked that we were always on the look at for more so we could have our next kiss.

• Long or short courtship/engagement? We long distanced dated for the summer, and then he came back to school and we dated until Nov 6Th when he asked me to marry him. Then 3 1/2 months later we were married.

• Where did you get engaged? In the living room of Tyrin's apartment.

• Where were you married? Idaho Falls Temple.

• Where did you go on your honeymoon? We went to Twin Falls, but then the next year we went to Dallas, TX for a weekend.
  

One year older....

And I wish I could say wiser too! So Friday was my birthday, and it was horrible. Sick kids, sick husband.....ugg- why today! But it ended great, with us dropping the kids off for the weekend with Grandma. We headed out of town to celebrate our 9th anniversary . Yes- you heard that right- 9 years. I couldn't believe it really has been that many years, because I swear to ya that I'm not that much older than I was when we got married, but somehow it has happened. So we went to the Dallas Aquarium which was lots of fun- I wish we had taken a camera, next time I won't forget. And then we went to the Dallas Stars/ Detroit Red Wings hockey game. We had so much fun. See highlights of the game here.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today 61 years ago, twin boys were born to Allyn and Louise. They were given the names Merlyn J and Earlyn K. They were small Earlyn being the smallest. They had two older sisters Carma and Ranae. A baby boy for each girl to hold. Saddly Earlyn was just too small and was not able to pull through and the next day he passed on. For the next 57 years Merlyn would celebrate their birthday without his twin. The past 4, they have been reunited. So today my thoughts are with my memories. I might have to go have a slice of cake and top it with ice cream. Happy Birthday Uncle Earlyn! And Happy Birthday Dad!

Finaly We Have Pictures!

I know it's about time. Can you believe that I was waiting to find a connection and then I remembered that my computer has a card reader! DUH!!

So, here are the kids in front of the house back in November. We had just gotten home from church.

Here is "B" in her cute little hat. Daddy can't stand it! But I think she looks so cute.

And here she is in her Colorado Avalanche sweats. Can you tell which hockey team we like?

Here is "K" taking pictures in the front yard. We really needed a new one for the wall so we got this one to replace her newborn one. Yes it is about time.

Me, B, J, K, L (on Zan), and D.

And here is the best family picture we could get together. We are starring into the sun- (insert eye rolling emotion here!) But it works!

And if I don't see you- Merry Christmas!!

Birthdays and Births

"B" joined us this Aug, on her Uncle "M"'s birthday. She is doing well and is loved much by her siblings. It has been fun watching them with her. "K", "L", and "J" have all had their birthdays amd are a year older. The boys are in school and keeping us running. Tomorrow I will add pictures of all the events. Stay tuned......

So many changes

So it's been a while. I know, I know. So I'm back. I promise that I will try harder this time. We made a big move to a new state and also found out we are adding a little bundle to our household. Dad's birthday has come and gone and I felt somewhat lost. I wasn't sure if I should call mom and talk to her about him, or just think about him alone. I decided alone might be best. I miss him a ton, and am so sad when the boys ask questions about him. "J" seems to be thinking about him a lot lately. He asked me questions about why it happened and if he is okay now. I'm so glad I know that he is okay and that I can use moments like that one to tells the boys how I know it to be okay. Whenever I put things together it makes me think of him, and that is good. I loved when we would make projects. It was the highlight of the year, or month, or even week. I think about his funeral and hope that people that were there left knowing how much dad was loved and how much dad loved to serve others. I sometimes wonder if any of those will want to know how we were able to tell dad goodbye without so much sadness. I was so glad that people were able to laugh during the life-sketch. Dad live a one of a kind life, and I can only hope to live as good as he did. I realize that this is short but homework and house cleaning is calling my name.

Thanks-Christmas

That is what we had last week. Grandma came and brought our Christmas gifts with her. Well you know that the kids aren't going to wait till Christmas when grandma is here. So we sat down at one and had turkey dinner and then send Dad to work. When he got home just after eight the kids were soo ready to open all those big boxes. So Christmas began. The boys loved every little thing they got. J- who is almost 6, got a kids digital camera. I may be blind by 2007. He loves it and really is learning a lot. L, who has a birthday on Friday and will be 4, got a "Car's" movie, the playmat that goes with the movie and all the car's also. Yes you may say spolling happens here. Grandma's great for that. So then we got our gifts. A new entertainment center, a couple new games, and sign for our wall, and then the big tear jurker gifts. First I opened a book all about Dad. The talks from his service, mine and my brother's; and then letters from his friends and family. Talk about tears. They just would not stop. I could feel them coming but held it together, that is until I opened this
It is made from my Dad's pants. And on it is one of his T-shirts, and a hat logo.


....

Yep, you know what happened next. I had to put the kids to bed and then go be alone for an hour. It still smells like him, gas, grease, oil, all the things that I grew to know as his smell. Yes it is odd shaped, but it was meant to be like that. It also is 'dad'.

Just when I think that I have it under control, I'm reminded that I will always miss him. I will always cry when he is missing from special moments. That is just how it is, and I'm glad to know that I am not going to forget how I feel about him.

Two years and counting.

It's now been two years ago that my dad was taken from us. Some days it does not seem that long ago, but others it feels like forever. I always wanted dad to be proud of me, of the things that I did, and even now I crave to hear him say that I did a good job on something. I know it's silly and even childish, but none the less I want him to know that I learned so much from him and that it means a lot to me that he was such a good father. I had a good childhood and am greatful for my family. I was adopted into the best family that I could have ever dreamt for. So here on the celebration of my dad I just want to say-- thank you for loving me and caring enough to do everything you could to raise me into the strong person I am today.

It's snowing!

Yes there is something very special about the first snow of the year. No I am not saying that I am going to go build a snowman and hope he comes alive. It is more the excitment of the snow, watching it falling from the sky. Seeing it pilling up on the ground. If my digital camera wasn't in the shop I would take a picture and post it. It snowed all night but I think it might have stopped now. It does look like it is still snowing up on the mountian, I can't see through the clouds very well.
I love the way that the trees look brushed with white. The crisp air around and the clean smell in the air. I can remember as a kid hoping that it would snow so much that they would call off school. It didn't happen very often, in Idaho were I grew up the bus driver decided if we had school or not, and she wanted to be paid so she would not let out for anything. I think that the only time she had to was when they slid off the road and had to cancel for the safty of her buses. Okay so I might be a little hard on her, but really, it seemed that bad.
All in all I love the winter days, when I can stay in and drink hot cocoa. If I had some wood I would start a fire and turn off the heat. Then the kids and I could watch movies and eat popcorn and just lounge around. It's too darn bad that school was in, that means I have to go wait for the school bus in the cold. I wish that she would be on time today. Some days we wait for 10+ minutes. At least he loves the bus, I just hope that he is good today.

General Conference

This weekend is conference weekend. I love getting to stay home and listen. Although today I decided that next year I need to put everything that could distract me in a different room. I love the music and I love listening to the leaders of the church speak to us. I found as it closed today that I was sad. Sad that it was over and that I will have to read all the talks next month in the Ensign so that I can get something out of it. With the kids running around I missed a lot. I had a hard time paying attention. I feel sad about that. I am so greatful to belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am greatful that we have the plan of salvation. I am so glad that I know that I can live again. That I'll be able to be with my family forever. I want to live so that I can be with my father again. I love the Temple and the feelings that I have when I am there. I am greatful that I had the chance to attend the Salt Lake Temple back in Aug. It was even more beautiful inside than I could have imagined. How wonderful it is to be able to hear the voice of our Prophet Gordon B. Hinkley speak, and to know that he is a prophet of God. That he speaks with God and wants the best for us. I am very greatful to be here today and have this opportunity.

I am:

I took the challenge to think of as many endings for I am__ as I could. So here it goes.

I am:
Smart, happy, loving, a mom, a wife, a sister, a aunt, a cousin, a daughter, a niece, a friend, a student, caring, wanting to learn, loving life, full of memories, happy to help, lonely some days, musical, a singer, a TV watcher :) , critical, not an organized person.

That's just a start, but I gave myself a time limit and that's where I got.

Reflections

Reflections are best done in the quiet. Over the past few weeks I've had many moments of thought. Many dreams where my dad was in different accidents. The last one mom was asking him why he had to go, and he looked at her and said, "well during the accident time stopped as if only for a moment and I heard HIM ask me if I was ready to go. I thought a moment and then said 'sure I might as well.'" Why such an important conversation was told to me in my sleep I'll never know. Perhaps I needed to know that he had a choice in it, and he was ready. I suppose it doesn't matter, but it is nice to think he had the choice.

Smells that are as good as gold

I walked out to the mailbox the other day and smelled a smell that was so memorable. The apartment next to us burned down earlier this spring, and so it has been under construction for the last 5 months. Today they had the saws out and had been cutting wood for the inside of the building. The smell of fresh cut wood was so strong in the air. It took me back home to the shed, with Dad cutting out wood projects for Mom. I closed my eyes and could almost feel Dad standing there by the saw. I tried to picture every piece of home, the oil stains and grease everywhere. A few car parts laying around on the shelves. A dog laying in the doorway, not wanting to get left out of anything. Then a cat rubs up against my leg, wanting to be held and petted. The creaking of the back door opening as Mom throws the scraps out for the dog and cats. The clanging of her scraping out the last little bits of food. Then a loud banging from inside the apartment brought me back. I was standing by the mailboxes, key in hand. I was back, and the sweet moment was over. I got my mail and walked slowly back to the house. No matter how deeply I tried to pull the smell back in, it was gone and over. A few small moments that were worth the smell.

"Gone with the Wind"

I have always loved the movies Gone with the Wind, and Scarlet. Yes, they are very long and old, but I just can't get enough. So every once in a while I like to have a day where I put them on and watch all the way through. I can remember having the flu in high school one time, and it was also Dad's day off. So he went out and did some work outside and then came in for lunch. He asked what my plan for the day was and I told him I was going to watch "Gone with the Wind." He said okay put it on, I can get some culture at least once a year. Yep- that was his sacrifice, to watch it with me. It may not seem like much to some, but to me it was so nice.

"Love Thy neighbor"

We have all heard the call, but how far would we go for them. I can remember a time when I was very young, I don't even know if I was in school yet, but it was late at night and I woke up to voices. Scared voices, the kind that make your heart pump faster just for listening to them. I remember coming down the stairs to see what was happening, and seeing a mom with her 3 young kids huddled close. I don't know if I knew them yet, but the youngest and I became friends and were close throughout school. I can remember a time that I asked my dad who they were and that's when I could remember their faces. I had gone years without realizing that the scared family was my very good friends. After dad passed, we were talking about thing that had happened and "c" my brother reminded us about that night. Mom told us how dad had gotten the call from the mom who pleaded for his help, because her husband had gotten drunk and was holding them at gun point. Mom said that dad told her when he got back how he jumped in the car and was half way there before his brain kicked in and he thought what am I doing!! But he knew that he had to do something so he prayed, and was able to take that mom and her kids to our home for safety. He told the dad that when he was thinking clear he could come and talk to his wife. When I was a teen I was spending the night at their home one time when her dad came home, he had stopped getting drunk, but I was a little afraid of him. I can remember him going to bed and his daughter looking at me and saying you know, he always says that if not for your dad, who knows where we would be today. I wasn't aloud to stay there if he was home, but I knew that night that I would be safe, he was a changed man. I am so greatful for my father, that he would stand up for a woman and her kids, even in that danger.

So far so good

I want to get back to my memories of my Dad, but first just a quick note. My niece "k" had the first surgery on her heart yesterday and is doing better than they ever could have hoped for. She is a fighter!!
The other day I was thinking about a letter that had been printed in a newspaper about a fly over from the air base he was close to. He was upset because it was so loud. What he didn't know was that they were headed to fly over a cemetary where one of our brave men was being layed to rest. It reminded me of when we were standing at Dad's grave just after it had been dedicated. We looked up into the sky to see the jets from the air base flying over. Just a chance thing but the one then dropped out of formation. How very touching to see that as we were laying our lost one to rest. The men flying that day will never know what them doing their job ment to us. I will forever think of Dad when I see those jets. Thank you for you service, and keeping us free, to say and feel what we want.