Where oh where is Daddy?

Last night we set up Bree's toddler bed. She stood in the hallway crying and would not come in the room with me. So after I put the other kids down I got her a sippy cup and took her in and laid her in her new bed with her stuffed puppy and covered her with a blanket. I turned off the light and shut the door. She cried for less than 5 Min's, and that was it. She stayed in her bed all night long. Then this morning the kids got up and were watching a cartoon before scripture study, and we hear Bree get up. Soon we here her calling out "Daaad" over and over again. I thought she was waiting in her room for dad to get her like every other day. So he walks into her room and it is empty. He turns around and she is kneeling by the bathroom door calling to him.
For some reason he doesn't understand why she would look for him there!

Dreams

Do you ever have those days when you all the sudden think back to something that happened years ago and realise that you were waiting for it to happen? I have had a few of these times. Now some of this may sound way off, but let me just say that for me this is very real. When my husband and I were waiting for our first children, as we had found out early on that we were indeed expecting twins, we had many hopes and dreams for those two. I would think- if they are girls, I want them to have blue eyes and Grandpa Lybbert's hair. Not the RED from his childhood, but the soft strawberry-color that it now looked like. If they were boys, I could imagine these tough little versions of their Dad. But at about 11 weeks, things changed. I felt different, not physically, but in my head I heard a voice- a loving voice of a father. He told me I had done my part, I had created bodies for these two children. That they had a great mission, but not one on earth. I was crushed. I never said a word to my husband, I was still hoping for something. But everyday the same thing.
Me: Are you sure you need to take them home?
Heavenly Father: Yes, they have done everything that they can here.
Me: But are you sure?
HF: Yes, thank you for doing your part.
Me: But really?
At this point any sane parent would want to yell "yes I told you, now stop asking!" But every response was so full of love and caring. He knew that I needed to be reassured that them going was for the best. After one full week of this, when inside I felt at peace, they were taken from me. I still had a hard time, but the tears waited til the dark nights when I could cry alone. After some time I realized something else. I remembered hearing at some point that they were such special spirits that HF was protecting them from the evil in this world by only letting them stay here in the safety of my body. That was all they needed, the one thing they could not get in heaven, bodies.
About a year after they should have been born, we welcomed a son. When he was 10 months old his Dad was diagnosed with cancer. My first thought was how grateful I was to only have one child to worry about right then. I very well could have had twins and been expecting. That would have been so much harder. I remember thinking, wow He really does know what is best.

This was my big project this summer.

From There To ...

Morgan Rex Lybbert

By Compiled by Heath...

Book Preview

I started it way back in April and had the finished copy by the miidle of July. But we found a typo and so I went in and fixed it and had it re-printed. I know it might not have mattered, but it did to me. Everytime I looked at it I felt horrible that I spelled a name wrong.
It was a lot of fun to see all the pictures of my father-in-law as a little guy. His school pictures were something else. It was fun to read what his brothers had to say about him, and I'm glad that I took on this project. It was worth the time.

The next one I'm working on is going to be "fairytale" style. It is going to be a special book done for the little girl my sister gave up for adoption. She is going to be turring 1 on October 31st! So a little shout out--- HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX! We love you, and are so glad to call you and your mom and dad a part of our extended family. Thanks Kerri for sharring her with us. You have a very special place in my heart.

Idaho

The kids and I took a trip. We left at 2:30 am Thur the 7th and jumped on a plane and headed to Idaho to see Grandma Monson. The kids did okay on the plane, Kjersta being 2 1/2 years old, well she didn't understand why she had to stay sitting for sooo long. But we made it and had a ton of fun.

Playing on the Tramp at Grandma's new house.


Bree Ella playing at her Great Aunt Evelyn's house.


The girls together.


Kjersta at the Temple.


The Twin Falls Idaho Temple from my Aunt Evelyn's back yard.



Bree, Me ,and Aunt Evelyn



The kids at the Temple


Happy Birthday to Bree- a little early!




Grandma and Bree- Bree has on her new pj's from grandma.

Kjersta all dessed up.

I never got the chance to come back and add the picture of Kjersta before we went to the play, so I'm adding it now.

Cinderella

Kjersta and I went to see a play, Cinderella in fact. It was so much fun. We went with two little girls from church, they are just a little older than Kjersta, but they had fun together. They got to dress up and after the play have pictures taken with Cinderella. Kjersta was a little scared- so I ended up in the picture also, ugg. I can't wait for the picture to come in the mail! But I did take one of her before we left so I'll work on getting it loaded and add it after church. It was fun because while we were waiting to go in all the older ladies would come over and tell her she was such a beautiful princess. She is so shy she wouldn't say anything, which only made the little old ladies love her more. I hope she liked it. After we got out we went to Braum's for ice cream. Kjersta wanted to get a Sunday with M&M's on it. By the time we made it home it was after 11. But she came in and ran to daddy to show him the crown that Cinderella gave all the girls. She was so excited that I thought she would never go to sleep. But I got her in her pj's and she laid down with her brothers (she is refusing to sleep in the girls room) and was out like a light. I think that we need to do more mommy-Kjersta time, we spend so much time running around for the boys, and then Bree is aways needing me. But it was special to just be the two of us. Now if she would just learn to talk!

Hug Them Close

Last night a friend from a message board posted that her husband had passed away. It came as such a shock. After all they are young, with young children at home. It reminded me how we were never given the option to purchase a warranty on life. No one ever said we would get to grow old together. After sitting all night wishing there was more I could do, I started thinking that I should go hug my loved ones and never let go.
There are days that we are so done with dealing with each other, but yet I would give anything to have those days. At least we have the chance to get upset with each other. How many others are out there saying they would give anything to have a fight with the one they loved if it meant that they would have them one more day.
So today, take time to hug that rotten child that spilled food on the floor, kiss your spouse, even though he/she may have forgotten to pick up their dirty clothes, or something else that gets under your skin, and be grateful you can clean up after them.

Six Flags

A friend of mine talked me into a Six Flags season pass. I thought sure why not I can go three times this year, if I try hard. LOL, I've had the pass 1 week, 2 days, and I'm headed back for my second visit tomorrow. It's only about an hour from my house, and the drive is very fast when you have good friends to talk with.
I'm not sure if I am going to ride the new Tony Hawk's Big Spin. I don't really care that much for spinning around, but hey- you gotta try it once right? I'm slightly feeling sick just thinking about it! I swear I feel sea sick right now, why do I do this to myself? I am sick standing in line- and then I am so scared during the rides, and after I feel all woozy (is that a word?). But I love the thrill.
Maybe I'll take the camera and get some pictures tomorrow. Or not- no one should have to see me like that!

LOVE ME SOME TEXAS STORMS!

Yes I do know that I said that in all caps! I do love a good storm. The clouds get all dark and then the thunder starts to roll. Then the lightning strikes and the rain comes pooring down.



The only thing I don't care for is when the tornado sirens go off. I'm sure that I will get used to it at some point, but it gets my heart pumping, and when I'm at home alone with the kids, I hate it. I need my husband to be here to tell me that nothing bad is going to happen. He is my rock, my firm fondation. But then again, its hard to convince him that when the weather guys say that our county needs to take cover, he means it.



We are one of the few in our neighborhood that has a tornado shelter, unfortunatly it is full of water, and the occational snake. (I HATE SNAKES!) Said with more force than the opening title. So we don't go in the shelter, I would love to, and if we weren't renters I would do something about it. If we are living in this house next year, I think I will do something about it, and give the bill to the landlord. He's a great guy and I think he will gladly pay for the work to be done.



Why I'm I thinking about good ol Texas storms? Well I just came in from picking up toys as I could hear thunder off in the distance.



Come on storm! And make it good!

Spring Cleaning

The words I can remember dreading my whole childhood are coming back to haunt me. It's SPRING CLEANING TIME! When as a child we heard these words I knew it was not going to go well. All those little things that we think we need, and had hid under beds or in closets were found. She moved everything and left nothing unturned. I know that the garbage had to be the biggest pile ever that week. Once we started school, Mom would wait until we were gone and she would attack. By the time we got off the bus we had no clue what was waiting for us. About half way to the house you could smell the pinesol, and you knew. Your heart started to beat faster as you worried about what toys no longer existed. What clothing had she decided didn't matter to you anymore. It was an attack that we had no warning was coming.

Now as a mom myself, I find that this time of year find the need to purge. What can we live without, do you really need that? I can get rid of things from every room of the house, until I get to my books. I LOVE my books. I need them, I'm sure that I do..... Hey no one asked you!!

Okay so I need to not keep so many. If I had a library and all the room in the world, then this would not be a problem. So why has it taken me weeks to realize that they have to go. Today is the day I tell myself. And then a few days later, they still sit in the pile that I started. I can't let go! What if I need them for a class, then I'll kick myself when I have to buy it again. OR, I could just go to the library in town and check it out.

So this is my need to do list today.

1.) Go through and get rid of books.
2.) Try again.
3.) Not good enough, one more time.
4.) Cry in secret, then get over it.
5.) Breath deep, take the books out of the house before you change your mind.
6.) Eat ice cream and remind yourself that you now have room for new books.
7.) Shoping therapy.

Can I start at the end?!

I've been tagged.

My sister-in-law Kascia tagged me so here is some info about my husband and I.

• What is his name? Darren

• How long have you been together? We were married Feb 13, 1999. So we have been together for just over 9 years now.

• How old is he? He is 32, until June.

• Who eats more? I don't know- we both love food!

• Who said I love you first? I think it was me! We were talking on the phone and were getting ready to hang up and I think what I said was "I love you, night!" And then he hung up. He called back in a few mins and said it back to me- I shocked us both, I sure hadn't planned on saying it!

• Who is taller? He is.

• Who can sing better? He would say I do, but he can sing if he tries.

• Who does the laundry? We both do.

• Who pays the bills? I do, but with the paycheck that he brings home.

• Who sleeps on the right side? He does right now, but I just insist on sleeping farthest from the door.

• Who mows the lawn? We both do, and also the guy from next door comes and helps- we have a lot of lawn......

• Who cooks dinner? Mostly me- but he does it at times.

• Who drives? Both of us.

• Who is more stubborn?? I think it is me... yeah, me.

• Who has more friends? Wow- I would have to think really hard, but he says I do.

• Who is more sensitive? I think that he is, but he thinks that I am.

• Who has more siblings?He does. He has 4 brothers. I just have one of each.

• Where did you and your husband meet? We met twice, the first time it was at my apartment in Rexburg, ID. His friend Tyrin brought him over in hopes to get us together. Neither of us was interested. That was Oct of 1998. In May just a week after my brother got married, Tyrin tried once more and invited me and tons of our friends to a BBQ at the sand dunes. He said he also would bring his horse so I could ride. We got there and he tells us that Echo- his horse, was acting up and so we would have to ride with his friend Darren. Meeting #2 was under way. I was one of the last to go, having to be convinced to go. We took off over the dunes and I decided to brake the quiet and ask him some things. we talked about the first time we had met, and then other things. He was doing everything he could to see if I would fall off, because he only dated you if you stayed on. Well I was not about to fall, so we were gone a LONG time. Everyone else was out a few mins, but we were gone 20 mins or so.

• What was the first thing you said to each other?"Hi" And then nothing more until the next meeting!

• What was your first date? Our first date was the day after the dunes party. Early that morning Tyrin's wife Suzane called to see if I was open that night to go out, and that Darren had called them to get my number- so he wanted to double with them. So I waited a few hours until he called to ask me out. We went to a rodeo at Madison High School- and then back to my place for pizza and a movie.

• Where was our first kiss? Two weeks after out first date on the corner walking home I saw a car with only one headlight and called it out. He asked what that meant- so I told him that he owed me a kiss for each one I saw. So he kissed me, and then we joked that we were always on the look at for more so we could have our next kiss.

• Long or short courtship/engagement? We long distanced dated for the summer, and then he came back to school and we dated until Nov 6Th when he asked me to marry him. Then 3 1/2 months later we were married.

• Where did you get engaged? In the living room of Tyrin's apartment.

• Where were you married? Idaho Falls Temple.

• Where did you go on your honeymoon? We went to Twin Falls, but then the next year we went to Dallas, TX for a weekend.
  

One year older....

And I wish I could say wiser too! So Friday was my birthday, and it was horrible. Sick kids, sick husband.....ugg- why today! But it ended great, with us dropping the kids off for the weekend with Grandma. We headed out of town to celebrate our 9th anniversary . Yes- you heard that right- 9 years. I couldn't believe it really has been that many years, because I swear to ya that I'm not that much older than I was when we got married, but somehow it has happened. So we went to the Dallas Aquarium which was lots of fun- I wish we had taken a camera, next time I won't forget. And then we went to the Dallas Stars/ Detroit Red Wings hockey game. We had so much fun. See highlights of the game here.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today 61 years ago, twin boys were born to Allyn and Louise. They were given the names Merlyn J and Earlyn K. They were small Earlyn being the smallest. They had two older sisters Carma and Ranae. A baby boy for each girl to hold. Saddly Earlyn was just too small and was not able to pull through and the next day he passed on. For the next 57 years Merlyn would celebrate their birthday without his twin. The past 4, they have been reunited. So today my thoughts are with my memories. I might have to go have a slice of cake and top it with ice cream. Happy Birthday Uncle Earlyn! And Happy Birthday Dad!

Finaly We Have Pictures!

I know it's about time. Can you believe that I was waiting to find a connection and then I remembered that my computer has a card reader! DUH!!

So, here are the kids in front of the house back in November. We had just gotten home from church.

Here is "B" in her cute little hat. Daddy can't stand it! But I think she looks so cute.

And here she is in her Colorado Avalanche sweats. Can you tell which hockey team we like?

Here is "K" taking pictures in the front yard. We really needed a new one for the wall so we got this one to replace her newborn one. Yes it is about time.

Me, B, J, K, L (on Zan), and D.

And here is the best family picture we could get together. We are starring into the sun- (insert eye rolling emotion here!) But it works!

And if I don't see you- Merry Christmas!!

Birthdays and Births

"B" joined us this Aug, on her Uncle "M"'s birthday. She is doing well and is loved much by her siblings. It has been fun watching them with her. "K", "L", and "J" have all had their birthdays amd are a year older. The boys are in school and keeping us running. Tomorrow I will add pictures of all the events. Stay tuned......

So many changes

So it's been a while. I know, I know. So I'm back. I promise that I will try harder this time. We made a big move to a new state and also found out we are adding a little bundle to our household. Dad's birthday has come and gone and I felt somewhat lost. I wasn't sure if I should call mom and talk to her about him, or just think about him alone. I decided alone might be best. I miss him a ton, and am so sad when the boys ask questions about him. "J" seems to be thinking about him a lot lately. He asked me questions about why it happened and if he is okay now. I'm so glad I know that he is okay and that I can use moments like that one to tells the boys how I know it to be okay. Whenever I put things together it makes me think of him, and that is good. I loved when we would make projects. It was the highlight of the year, or month, or even week. I think about his funeral and hope that people that were there left knowing how much dad was loved and how much dad loved to serve others. I sometimes wonder if any of those will want to know how we were able to tell dad goodbye without so much sadness. I was so glad that people were able to laugh during the life-sketch. Dad live a one of a kind life, and I can only hope to live as good as he did. I realize that this is short but homework and house cleaning is calling my name.

Thanks-Christmas

That is what we had last week. Grandma came and brought our Christmas gifts with her. Well you know that the kids aren't going to wait till Christmas when grandma is here. So we sat down at one and had turkey dinner and then send Dad to work. When he got home just after eight the kids were soo ready to open all those big boxes. So Christmas began. The boys loved every little thing they got. J- who is almost 6, got a kids digital camera. I may be blind by 2007. He loves it and really is learning a lot. L, who has a birthday on Friday and will be 4, got a "Car's" movie, the playmat that goes with the movie and all the car's also. Yes you may say spolling happens here. Grandma's great for that. So then we got our gifts. A new entertainment center, a couple new games, and sign for our wall, and then the big tear jurker gifts. First I opened a book all about Dad. The talks from his service, mine and my brother's; and then letters from his friends and family. Talk about tears. They just would not stop. I could feel them coming but held it together, that is until I opened this
It is made from my Dad's pants. And on it is one of his T-shirts, and a hat logo.


....

Yep, you know what happened next. I had to put the kids to bed and then go be alone for an hour. It still smells like him, gas, grease, oil, all the things that I grew to know as his smell. Yes it is odd shaped, but it was meant to be like that. It also is 'dad'.

Just when I think that I have it under control, I'm reminded that I will always miss him. I will always cry when he is missing from special moments. That is just how it is, and I'm glad to know that I am not going to forget how I feel about him.

Two years and counting.

It's now been two years ago that my dad was taken from us. Some days it does not seem that long ago, but others it feels like forever. I always wanted dad to be proud of me, of the things that I did, and even now I crave to hear him say that I did a good job on something. I know it's silly and even childish, but none the less I want him to know that I learned so much from him and that it means a lot to me that he was such a good father. I had a good childhood and am greatful for my family. I was adopted into the best family that I could have ever dreamt for. So here on the celebration of my dad I just want to say-- thank you for loving me and caring enough to do everything you could to raise me into the strong person I am today.

It's snowing!

Yes there is something very special about the first snow of the year. No I am not saying that I am going to go build a snowman and hope he comes alive. It is more the excitment of the snow, watching it falling from the sky. Seeing it pilling up on the ground. If my digital camera wasn't in the shop I would take a picture and post it. It snowed all night but I think it might have stopped now. It does look like it is still snowing up on the mountian, I can't see through the clouds very well.
I love the way that the trees look brushed with white. The crisp air around and the clean smell in the air. I can remember as a kid hoping that it would snow so much that they would call off school. It didn't happen very often, in Idaho were I grew up the bus driver decided if we had school or not, and she wanted to be paid so she would not let out for anything. I think that the only time she had to was when they slid off the road and had to cancel for the safty of her buses. Okay so I might be a little hard on her, but really, it seemed that bad.
All in all I love the winter days, when I can stay in and drink hot cocoa. If I had some wood I would start a fire and turn off the heat. Then the kids and I could watch movies and eat popcorn and just lounge around. It's too darn bad that school was in, that means I have to go wait for the school bus in the cold. I wish that she would be on time today. Some days we wait for 10+ minutes. At least he loves the bus, I just hope that he is good today.

General Conference

This weekend is conference weekend. I love getting to stay home and listen. Although today I decided that next year I need to put everything that could distract me in a different room. I love the music and I love listening to the leaders of the church speak to us. I found as it closed today that I was sad. Sad that it was over and that I will have to read all the talks next month in the Ensign so that I can get something out of it. With the kids running around I missed a lot. I had a hard time paying attention. I feel sad about that. I am so greatful to belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am greatful that we have the plan of salvation. I am so glad that I know that I can live again. That I'll be able to be with my family forever. I want to live so that I can be with my father again. I love the Temple and the feelings that I have when I am there. I am greatful that I had the chance to attend the Salt Lake Temple back in Aug. It was even more beautiful inside than I could have imagined. How wonderful it is to be able to hear the voice of our Prophet Gordon B. Hinkley speak, and to know that he is a prophet of God. That he speaks with God and wants the best for us. I am very greatful to be here today and have this opportunity.