Dreams

Do you ever have those days when you all the sudden think back to something that happened years ago and realise that you were waiting for it to happen? I have had a few of these times. Now some of this may sound way off, but let me just say that for me this is very real. When my husband and I were waiting for our first children, as we had found out early on that we were indeed expecting twins, we had many hopes and dreams for those two. I would think- if they are girls, I want them to have blue eyes and Grandpa Lybbert's hair. Not the RED from his childhood, but the soft strawberry-color that it now looked like. If they were boys, I could imagine these tough little versions of their Dad. But at about 11 weeks, things changed. I felt different, not physically, but in my head I heard a voice- a loving voice of a father. He told me I had done my part, I had created bodies for these two children. That they had a great mission, but not one on earth. I was crushed. I never said a word to my husband, I was still hoping for something. But everyday the same thing.
Me: Are you sure you need to take them home?
Heavenly Father: Yes, they have done everything that they can here.
Me: But are you sure?
HF: Yes, thank you for doing your part.
Me: But really?
At this point any sane parent would want to yell "yes I told you, now stop asking!" But every response was so full of love and caring. He knew that I needed to be reassured that them going was for the best. After one full week of this, when inside I felt at peace, they were taken from me. I still had a hard time, but the tears waited til the dark nights when I could cry alone. After some time I realized something else. I remembered hearing at some point that they were such special spirits that HF was protecting them from the evil in this world by only letting them stay here in the safety of my body. That was all they needed, the one thing they could not get in heaven, bodies.
About a year after they should have been born, we welcomed a son. When he was 10 months old his Dad was diagnosed with cancer. My first thought was how grateful I was to only have one child to worry about right then. I very well could have had twins and been expecting. That would have been so much harder. I remember thinking, wow He really does know what is best.